You’ve Been Roostered

A few months ago a friend approached us about adopting her friend’s ducks. I was hesitant but I knew that Bryan was dying to have ducks for their eggs. So, I reluctantly showed him the most adorable video of two ducks swimming in a bathtub. I honestly didn’t expect him to say yes as quickly as he did. We tried on several occasions to complete the adoption but we never could find a mutually agreeable time, day, etc that worked. I, to be quite honest, was fine with that. We have four laying hens, I wasn’t sure where we would put two ducks. After all, we do live in Montrose (a quirky neighborhood in Houston) and we are on a small-ish city lot so having four chickens was already a stretch.

I thought the whole duck debacle was over. Then, I received the following text: “I ordered ducks” followed by a screen shot of a the actual order. There were SIX ducks on this order. So now we’ve gone from the possibility of having two ducks to now having SIX. Apparently there was a minimum order required and Bryan swears one of his farmers will take half the ducks. When he placed the order he decided on Indian Runners and tells everyone it’s because they are prolific layers and a heritage breed, which they are… but I know that he picked them because they look hilarious when they run. Seriously have you seen these ducks run!? We could fittingly name the three we keep; Larry, Moe and Curly just based off of their comical gate.

Fast forward to this morning – their designated arrival date, just a day after they’ve hatched. Bryan picks them up from the post office and brings them home. He walks in with a very little box and I hear them chirping so I take a peek through one of the little holes. I see… a beak! Not just any beak… a CHICKEN beak!

I say, “Babe… did you happen to order chicks too?”
He says, “No, they just all sound the same when they’re young… they don’t quack yet.”
I say, “Yeah, ok… I totally get that… but um… this is a chicken. I do know that ducks don’t look like chickens…”
He says, “No, no, no… they’re ducks. You’ll see… let me get a knife and cut open the box.”

We open the box and guess who was in there… 6 beautiful baby ducks AND…. wait for it… 16 chicks. Yep… not one or two… but 16 freaking chicks. We didn’t order any chicks. I double check the confirmation that he sent me and nope, no chicks. Bryan said he would handle it and he gets the paperwork while I try to keep our own little Lonesome Lenny (aka our 19 month old giant-sized son) from killing these tiny creatures with love. I could just see the wheels in his head turning, “I will hug him and squeeze him and call him George…”

A few minutes later Bryan has the farm on the phone… I could hear bits and pieces of the conversation but the part that stuck out to me the most was when he said, “well, do you have a chicken re-locating service?!?”

Shit. That clearly means these birds are now ours.

He gets off the phone and I, per my usual, rapid fire 19,392 questions at him. What I learned was… 1. These are not chicks at all… all 16 of these little chickens are ROOSTERS. ROOOOOOOSTERRRRRS. And 2… The farm doesn’t want them back. Can’t imagine why, it’s not like 16 roosters would be loud or anything. I thought it was rough having a toddler wake me up at 4am for the day on a regular basis… can’t wait til these things start crowing.

As we went about our daily activities we would chat about the 16 roosters and what we were going to do about said birds. I have come to the conclusion at this point that we obviously only have two options since Chicken Re-Locating is not actually a thing. We can either raise these roosters and then set them free in Montrose so that they can form a gang of roosters and call themselves the “Rogue Roosters of Montrose”. Or we can paint one foot red on each bird and then anonymously gift them to friend or foe. We will, call it “being roostered”. It would be similar to being “booed” during Halloween, except you’ll get a giant rooster that will become your favorite alarm clock. Crack of dawn doesn’t scare these guys and they aren’t afraid to crow about it. Project Red Rooster could be the next big thing, you never know…

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  1. Oh my gosh! Hahahah Jennifer, this is awesome. Also, you are an incredible writer! I was laughing the entire time. <3 Wishing you luck on your roostering adventures!!

  2. I think that my favorite thing about this article is that it’s filed under the “chaos” archive folder, lol.
    Hilarious!! Can’t wait to read more.. :)

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